The Process

The words won't come to me tonight. I stare at the blank page in my typer as I pour the last of the bottle into my glass, it's fucking mocking me. "You've not lived enough" it says to me, "You've not bled enough".

I finish my drink, throw on my old leather jacket and leave the house quietly, lighting a cigarette on my way out of the door.

I find myself in an unremarkable bar, mostly empty, save for a few dregs. I take my place at the bar next to a woman who seems to be making love to a gin and tonic, her green eyes drowning in what I can only assume is the drink that finally gave her the feeling she was looking for.

I order a scotch and soda from the bored looking barman. I finish that and two more before going outside to smoke.

I'm joined by the woman who was sat next to me at the bar, she asks me for a light.

We continue talking in the bar for a while, we talk about life's losses and wins, she asks me what I do, I tell her I drink and write, she asks me what I write about and I tell her everything. She asks if I write about her, I tell her that I do now.

She laughs.

We drink our drinks, she buys the next round and before we know it, the bell for last orders has been rung.

I find myself at a small flat with my new friend, we drink and snort some bad cocaine. We listen to music and talk some more before crawling into bed. We're interrupted halfway through by a key fumbling in the lock, she tells me it's her husband coming back early from a night shift. She tells me to hide, I don't do it. Why would I? I get dressed as fast as I can and run past him as he enters, but I'm too slow, he grabs me and a swift headbutt makes stars explode into view, I shake him loose and break out into the night, I slow down when I'm sure he's no longer chasing me and begin a long walk home. The cold air cuts through my cigarette smoke and I'm filled with contentment among chaos.

Its 4.28am when I get through my door.

I sit at my typewriter, wipe the blood from my nose and smile.

I've got something to write about now.

This is my process.